Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
