you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
