My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
