i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
