TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
