the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
