Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
