you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
