Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
