i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
