I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
