he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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