So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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