are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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