Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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