Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
