when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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