Pregnant stripper...not hot.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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