Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Everyone says I win the strip club
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
