look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
