You're my little dorito
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
