butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
