well I can't set my house on fire every night
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
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