saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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