Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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