Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
