I hope mine doesn't look like that
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
