...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
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