we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
