Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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