the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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