in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
The beer is more important than you right now.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
You're like the curious george of whores
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
