I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
