There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
