Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Randomize
