I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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