the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize