I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
