Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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