i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
