shes about as inviting as chlamydia
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
