Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
