Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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