Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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