Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
This toilet bowl is my home.
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