Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
