Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
