idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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