I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
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