We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
