how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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