Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
