We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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