Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
