oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
