im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I don't deserve a penis
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
