come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
