I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
