I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
My breasts were aching with rage.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
