you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
