just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
