Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
