i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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