you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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