I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
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