you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
