I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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