i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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