That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
