We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
