Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
