Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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