I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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