Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
