Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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