Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
